If you are a woman, you’ve probably had the massively frustrating experience of trying to purchase a garment and learning that it didn’t come in your size. In fact, it didn’t come in anyone’s size – it came in the elusive “One Size” of an imaginary human being shaped like an atrophied potato sack. And so you stuffed in the parts of you that were too big and hoped that no one would notice the parts of you that didn’t fill out the garment. Aaaand just no. It never works.

Life is so unfortunately like that. We try desperately to create rules and laws and principles that cover the entire population. They never do, of course. We have a binary-based bathroom system that completely excludes intersex individuals and marginalizes the trans* community. We have an education system created and overseen by people more logical than artistic, and which always assumes that the children it educates are neuro-typical. And we have a prolific supply of self-help and inspirational books, videos and programs that promise to help anyone. Even medical treatments – whether traditional or alternative – generally assume that everyone’s body functions the same.

But we aren’t all the same. Genetics, upbringing, environment, experience, illness and injury all create differences, big and small. We are each as unique as our fingerprints. And while it is true that we are more the same than different, trying to deny our differences destroys our ability to work with our similarities. The current racial climate demonstrates this – those who deny the existence of racial bias are the biggest societal block to true equality.

So instead of trying to build your life on what works for other people, instead of making your life goals based on what everyone does, try getting to know yourself. When you embrace your differences, you can embrace others’ differences as well. And when differences are embraced, we can start working together in harmony.