Guilt: the most useless of human emotions. 

In general, I’m a real fan of emotions. Like pain, emotions act as signals that something is wrong and needs to change. People without emotions (or those who are out of touch with their emotions) have a hard time making good, healthy decisions; again, similarly to people who cannot feel pain. 

Fear tells us we may be in danger. Anxiety keeps us alert. Anger signals that something needs to change. Positive emotions encourage us to repeat activities that benefit us, like spending time with friends or exercising. 

But guilt, that bastard child of pride and anxiety, only drags us down. 

Every single therapist I’ve ever gone to has tried to explain to me the difference between shame and guilt – one unhealthy, the other necessary for a socially acceptable life. Guilt, they say, tells us when we’ve done something wrong and helps us learn from it. 

But you only need a pinch. 

We don’t make good decisions when we’re guilty. We aren’t trying to learn from our mistakes; we are trying to assuage that awful sinking feeling inside. We aren’t thinking about the other person. When we feel guilty our one and only goal is to stop feeling guilty by whatever means possible. 

So we buy things for a partner we cheated on, or we resentfully spend an extra hour at the gym after overindulging. We repost YouTube videos about homelessness and race. 

There. All better. 

Except all that stuff is counterproductive. When you’ve hurt someone, buying them things only cheapens the relationship further. Associating exercise with feelings of resentment makes you less likely to exercise in the future. And reposting inspiring sound bites does nothing to solve real problems. 

So not really better at all. 

I swore off guilt almost two years ago. I was scared, at the time, that it would make me a bad person, or a worse one.  It hasn’t (I don’t think!); what it has allowed me to do is to enjoy life, to accomplish without apologizing, to fail without fear. I’m still quite capable of learning from my mistakes, but now I’m also capable of moving past them. 

Guilt: ain’t nobody got time for that.