Another birthday has come and gone, and I’ve got to say this one felt particularly satisfying. Not just because I’m now the product of two squares, but also because I feel more grounded and myself than ever.

I wish sometimes that I could go back and tell my past self some of the lessons I’ve learned as I grow older – wisdom that could have made younger-me happier, more patient, more content. Since I haven’t figured out the whole time travel thing yet, I’ve settled for making a list of 36 things I know now that are valuable to me and might be to someone else as well.

36. It’s not all about me. Sometimes people are angry and mean and they try to make it about the nearest available person instead of owning it themselves. Almost always when someone is treating me badly, it has nothing to do with me at all.

35. If something makes me happy, that’s a good enough reason to do it. I’ve stopped buying clothes I don’t like (why did I do that??) and get the raspberry jam instead of the strawberry.

34. Curiosity is a valuable asset and should be cultivated. Asking questions and finding the answers has taken me to wonderful places.

33. This too shall pass. My therapist gave me this perspective years ago when I was going through a particularly rough patch; in a week, a month, a year, things will be different than they are now. Maybe not better, but different. It’s amazing how much that helps when everything feels stuck.

32. I already am. This one was gleaned from a midwife. Anyone who has gone through labor knows there is a point where you simply can’t go on any longer. Nature’s irony: that’s exactly the point when you are almost done. “I can’t do this!” “You already are.”

31. Everyone is doing their best. I at least start with this assumption, and try to understand where someone is coming from before passing judgement. It saves me a lot of emotional energy.

30. I am responsible for my own feelings, and not the feelings of others.

29. A boundary is something I can enforce for myself. And boundaries are good and beautiful. “Good fences make good neighbors.”

28. Drink a glass of water. Always applicable, always helpful.

27. Slow down and see the beauty. It’s always somewhere – a ray of sun, a drop of rain, a fallen leaf.

26. Skepticism is a good tool, and a bad attitude.

25. I can do much harder things than I think I can.

24. It’s ok to move on from people, situations and conversations that aren’t right for me.

23. Spending time with the people I love is the best investment I can make.

22. There’s always something to look forward to. If I can’t see it, I can make it.

21. I am creative, and being creative makes me happy.

20. Almost anything can be meditative, magical and restorative – communion is a state of mind.

19. I can win an argument or I can have the last word, but not both.

18. Nothing is as urgent as it seems.

17. TV shows allow for more character development than movies.

16. Nothing is good after Season 8.

15. I can disagree with the way I was raised and still value the skills I was taught.

14. Smiling does make me feel happier.

13. Pain is not the worst thing that can happen to a person.

12. Grief hurts more and is more beautiful than I ever realized.

11. My life is not a blank book to be written; it is a tree, a living history of everything I am and have been.

10. Be kind. Kindness is always a choice.

9. No is not a bad word.

8. Everything I want is on the other side of fear. And it’s not usually scary over there.

7. The worst possible thing can happen and somehow leave me still ok.

6. I am a part of a whole.

5. There’s no point in taking myself so seriously.

4. Good music that resonates with the soul is underrated.

3. It really does get better, if only because I continually become a more grounded, settled version of myself.

2. Inner work is hard and infinitely worth it.

1. I am a pretty neat person, if I do say so myself.